


The reason to live in a living hell

by Hyacinthess



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Coma, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbianism, Rape, So much angst, Torture, androgynity, angstttttttt, but later also so much comfort, eventually hope-inspiring, explicit - Freeform, good ending, non-con, prisoner, read on to get to the good parts, shitty middle story, very much angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 05:33:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyacinthess/pseuds/Hyacinthess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ren has been through hell and back. She was kidnapped and then tortured, raped and branded. Permanently scarred. But her one light in her life - her dear girlfriend Darcia - is waiting for her. And when she wakes up from a long sleep in coma, she finds herself in a hospital, guarded by only one guard who is completely indifferent to her. Now, what does she have to do to get out of there?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pain

**Author's Note:**

> This story is stricly 18+ because of explicitly described violence, rape and worse. Read on your own risk.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this! Especially since this is original fiction, I am very glad you decided to give it a shot.
> 
> I just want to say that I know I am not showing the true facts about people in coma here - I did some research and realized that what I wanted the coma to be like was absolutely not realistic. But I decided to ignore these facts, putting this fiction in an AU. Well, I think it is, anyway. Or some kind of a future/parallel universe.
> 
> Anyway, please do enjoy, and please comment after you've read it! Everyhing is very much appreciated!

”Why am I here?” she tried to say, but only blood came out of her mouth. She spit it out on the cold cellar floor she had woken up on, and coughed so hard she thought her lungs might come up.

The act was over, for this time. She never knew when they'd come back for more. Torture her more. Hear her scream more. How many times had she already begged for mercy? Said she'll be a good girl? Begged for them to just kill her? She had lost count.

This time had been pretty rough. Well, they were always rough. She couldn't move her legs without them hurting. Or was it really her legs? She was hurting everywhere, she didn't even know specific places anymore. She tried to assess the damage to her lower parts, but at the same time she couldn't take a closer look without risking fainting again. The blood around her inner thighs would have to be enough proof that it was pretty bad, but at least it seemed like the blood flow had stopped. That was good, at least. She winced, as she tried to comfort herself with pretty words and failed.

She had to get back, somehow, though. No matter what they did to her body – no matter how many times they ripped her body apart, they would never get her heart. Her heart belonged to the love of her life. Her very own girl, waiting for her. Darcia. How she missed her. They had gotten to know each other only a month before she came to this horrible place, but they had been extremely close right from the start. But then... then all this happened. She had to get back. Back to her Darcia.

The doors to the stone cellar flew open with a bang.

”Oh, you've woken up, Ren. Are you ready for some more fun? You didn't think we were done already, did you?”

A big, hairy man entered the gray room, accompanied by two slightly smaller men with creepy leers on their faces. Ren didn't answer, but just glared. She knew it was no use, though.

”I have something special for you. We thought up something nice. A present just for you. You should be grateful. Here...”

Ren went pale. In his hand was an iron rod, and the glowing red X at the end looked like it was freshly taken out from a fire.

”No... no!! No, don't... please don't!!” she screamed, sudden panic rushing through her body. She knew what they were going to do.

But it was useless. In seconds, they had her on her back as she struggled against their grips. Her body writhed and wringled and she screamed at the top of her lungs, but all she could see were the eerily lit grins on their faces as they ripped off whatever was left of her shirt, and pressed the piping hot red X right between her breasts. A sizzle like bacon being cooked could be heard, but not by Ren, as she was screaming in pure agony as the rod left a permanent burn mark on her skin. She fainted,  and later regained consciousness. Could then feel them inside her. Something slimy moving inside. She could feel the pain on her chest, and it was hard to breathe. They slapped her awake, they threw dirty water on her to make her stay conscious, and she screamed. Begged for mercy. Asked them to kill her. Over and over again. It all went into a blur, she had no idea how many minutes or hours it had been. This was actually her favorite moment of the act, if you could have a favorite in such a violent crime. But at least it felt like the time was going faster, and as long as she wasn't sure of what was happening, she didn't have to worry either. It's not like there was any point to her resisting. She already knew that. How many times had they violated her like this? Was it really just a month? She wasn't sure anymore. Nothing seemed real.

She was being thrown about on the floor. At one point they probably even kicked her. She was being kicked in her chest, and it made the slightly dulled pain blaze up again. The red hot iron was on her, burning her, the fires of the deepest parts of Satan's lair. If hell was real, this would be the place. Maybe she already was dead? That brought her even more despair, since not even death seemed to ease her agony.

She felt a kick to her stomach, one punch to her face, and then a shoe hit her head. Hard. She fell. Fell, deeply, into nothingness... and then there was nothing more.


	2. The Guard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that the chapters are so short.  
> Enjoy!

 - 6 months later -

_Beep... Beep... Beep..._

The large padded white room was bathed in sunlight from the single open window. A heart rate monitor was giving off an eery beeping sound in sync with the rise and fall of the chest on the patient in the large white steel bunk bed. A single guard sat by the padded door in a corner of the room. He was big, muscular and looked quite scary. He had been transferred to this position a month ago, because he had gotten into a fight with one of the guests at the company's Casino. The guest had turned out to be quite important, and Gus was lucky to still be alive and employed. This was an easy job, all he had done the past month was some basic care for the pale patient, making sure the thin girl had enough drip, changed clothes sometimes, clipped her nails, and so on. It was all very peaceful, although he had not been told why she was there, in coma, nor what her relationship was to his boss. Not that it mattered. His salary was huge, and that was all he needed.

He was just nodding off, when he heard a rustle. A thrash. A scream. A scream of pure terror that he thought would make him deaf. The heart monitor was going wild, and the patient that had been still as if she was living dead until now, had her back arched upwards as she was staring into nothing and screaming at the top of her lungs. He rushed forwards to her bed.

”AAHHH! NO!! PLEASE! MAKE IT STOP, PLEASE! I'LL BE GOOD, NO!! KILL ME!! JUST KILL ME! KILL ME!” she screamed, eyes wide open but not seeing him. He held her down, but the feeling of his hands on her arms, pinning her, only made her more crazy. She screamed for her life, she screamed for her end. Gus gave up on trying to hold her down, took the nearest towel on the little bedside table, and put it in her mouth. She could bite her own tongue at any time, and he wasn't gonna have her die on his watch. He began preparing a sedative for her while she was trashing and hitting him with strenghless arms. He caught one of her arms, and quickly gave her the shot. Her muffled screams slowly calmed down, until she was unconscious again.

Gus walked back to his chair by the door and sat down. He sighed, wiped his damp forehead and thought to himself that this might actually be a harder mission than he had first expected. What if she had those fits everytime she woke up? He couldn't sedate her forever. It was so much easier while she had just been asleep and unmoving. 

After a while, he went back to the bed, to find her covered in cold sweat. He quickly changed her clothes, which was easy since it was mostly just a white hospital dress. He had gotten used to seeing the X between her small breasts. The poor girl. She looked not older than 13, and yet that burn scar would most likely be with her forever. It wasn't any of his business, though. He was just doing his job. Perhaps now that she was conscious, someone else could take care of her. Maybe she could leave. Good for her, he guessed. But where would he then go? Could he get another job? Those thoughts worried him for the rest of the evening.

\--

Ren woke up with a blazing headache. Her throat was sore. She couldn't move. She tried, but she couldn't. She could move her arms just a tiny bit, but her legs were absolutely unresponsive. Why? What happened? The last thing she remembered was pain. Terrible, horrifying pain. And a face. A lovely face.  
  
Darcia. Her love. Right. She had to go back, for her.

Suddenly her head cleared up a bit. She forced herself to roll over, but she couldn't control it well and so it only caused her to roll out of the bed.

_THUD._

She was on her stomach on a white, slightly padded floor. She tried to look around, but her unresponsive muscles were of no help. She noticed that the room she was in was pretty big, but from what she could see, the only actual furniture in the room was the massive bed that she had just fallen out of. Where was she?

Then, there were soft footsteps and a shadow was cast over her. _'Oh'_ she thought, _'they're still here, waiting to torture me some more'_.

“Hey, you awake, kid?”  
  
She glared at the shadow that was cast over her. She couldn't turn around and glare at the man directly, but it didn't matter. She hoped the violence would be over quickly, even though she knew that it never was.

“Hey. Answer me. Are you alright?”  
  
That was strange. They'd never say anything like that, like asking her if she was _okay_. But she wasn't gonna answer anyway. Fuck them.

He used his foot and carefully rolled her over to her back.

It was a man she hadn't seen before. He was huge, dark skinned and wore a simple black suit. She frowned at him.

“Cheeky little girl. Your tongue was working so well yesterday. Especially for someone who's been asleep for six months” he sneered at her slightly.  
  
“What?” She croaked.

“Oh, she _can_ speak!”  
  
“What did... you say?”

“You've been asleep for six months, Sleeping Beauty. Good morning.”

If her face could be any paler, it would have been. Much to the man's surprise, some tears started to stream down her face. She appeared to be in shock. He guessed it wasn't so surprising.

But he really didn't care, as long as she was alive as he had been told to keep her. He went back to sit on his chair over by the door again, leaving her on her back a bit away from her bed, staring in shock into the white ceiling. He decided it was better to leave her to herself. At least she was alive, that was all he cared for. But perhaps he should explain just a bit more to her.

“You've been asleep for 6 months. Or so I've been told. I don't know anything more than that I'm supposed to guard you and not let you out of this room. You're free to do whatever you want in this room, there's a toilet just around the corner there. I use it too, so keep it clean. I sleep in this corner, you can sleep wherever else you want aside from here.” he told her, in a very matter-of-fact manner. He had made himself a bed on a mattress and some pillows just beside his chair. He had a huge pile of books, too, that he had read several times. Every now and then someone came to trade him off for a couple of days so he could get time off, but he was mostly spending it on collecting books and games (for his phone) to pass the time in the room.

Ren tried to let the situation sink in while absently listening to the big man's explanation. Had she heard it right? Six whole months? She wiggled her arms, and noticed how thin they were. She tried to flex her fingers, move her toes, but not much happened. Where had all her muscles gone? Oh. She hadn't used them for half a year. That explained it. She almost wanted to laugh.

But that was all okay. There was just one single important but terrifying question: Would her Darcia still be waiting for her? Yes, they had promised their future together. She was definitely waiting... Was she?

Ren cried herself into a worried sleep, spending the night on the floor. Gus threw a blanket on top of her after a while since it would be bad if she died from a cold, and then he fell asleep in his makeshift bed.


	3. Weak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading on <3

The next day, Ren was sore. Her muscles, whatever was left of them, hurt. Everywhere hurt. She accepted some fluids from the big man, mostly because she wanted to live. She had no choice. Otherwise, he just left her alone to try out her muscles. She managed to use her arms a bit, and she flopped over on her belly again. She tried to crawl towards the bed, but didn't get far. How had she managed to roll away so far from the bed? She sighed as she noticed the surveillance cameras staring at her from the upper corners of the room before drifting off into sleep again.

The next day came. She was absolutely not interested in the guard, as he was not in her, more than when he fed her. She had refused to have him put her pillow on the floor for her. He had even offered to carry her to the bed after seeing her pathetic attempts at getting back to the bed, but she had just snarled at him to shut the fuck up. She was going to make it to the bed on her own. She didn't like getting help from strangers. Especially not now.

Gus shrugged and let her be. It didn't matter to him.

She overheard him at one point reporting to someone on his cell phone that she was awake and alive. So then they knew. Or rather – HE knew. The leader. The boss. The company's leader. She didn't know much about them and their company. She only knew that they had a bad large multi-millionare shady business. And that they had kidnapped her. Tortured her. And it was all that man's fault. That leader who had marked her as their target with the large X that decorated her chest this very day too. At least it had healed into a dark scar during the last 6 months, but she could still feel the hot blazing pain as if it was only yesterday, being imposed upon her body.

She crawled on her arms, trying to get to the bed. But her arms were weak. So weak. She sweated, struggled, tugged, and got exhausted.

“ _WHY_ am I so weak!?” she burst. Gus jumped a bit at the sudden exclamation. She let out a cry of frustration as she panted, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Are you sure you don't want me to lift you to bed, girl?” Gus said hesitantly.

“ _YES_ , for gods sake!!” she snapped at him. “Mind your own fucking business!”

“Well, at least you still got your bite, tiger.” he shrugged.

After pausing a bit, she moved again. She shouted in frustration as she crawled slowly but definitely to the side of the bed. It seemed so tall, like a mountain to overcome for a person in wheelchair. There was a ladder up to the top of the bunk bed, but the top was filled with machines and different chords hanging down (that had been ripped out from her body at some point). She grabbed the ladder, heaved upwards towards the soft sheets, but she fell off again. Grabbed the ladder again, fell. Grabbed it once more, held on to it. Put all strength into her arms, grabbed, pulled, tried her legs, moved them as much as she could... and finally, she flopped halfway into the bed. She had made it. She let out an almost mad laughter.

Gus walked over to her, and without asking, helped her pull all of her body into the bed and on her side, putting the blanket on top of her and the pillow under her head. She didn't say anything either as she let him do it, she was just so tired. But she was also kinda happy. She had won over her own body. In a way it felt like she had won against the people who put her into this situation.

And she was definitely one step closer to seeing Darcia.

She drifted into a worried sleep.

 --

During the following days, Gus and Ren had slowly been training Ren's muscles into better shape. She could almost stand up now. She really hated the help, and she made sure he knew about it too. Gus wasn't sure why he had Googled up exercises for her, but it wasn't like he had so much other stuff to do, and it really bothered him when she had little angry outbursts of frustration. Most of the time he just left her alone to practice. Only now and then did he show her a new move to do or hold on to her so she wouldn't fall and knock herself unconscious again (which she had, at one point, by hitting her head on the corner of the bed).

There was very little conversation between the two of them. What would they even talk about? But one thing seemed inconvenient to Ren, so she decided to break their invisible barrier.

“Hey. What's your name?” Ren asked, when Gus was holding her by her arm while she was trying to move her legs.

“Hm? I thought you didn't care.” Gus answered.

“I don't. It's just inconvenient to call you 'hey' all the time.” Ren said, trying to sound a cold as she could.

“Well, you can really call me whatever, I don't care.” Gus didn't think any more of it.

“Fine, Douchefag.” Ren said. Gus just grunted as she almost fell over from trying to step forward.

“At least you're getting better at moving. You're making good process.” said Gus while letting her sit down on the bed again. She was covered in sweat and shivering slightly.

“Yeah. And when I'm healed, _HE_ is going to call for me again to torture me some more.” she said, mostly to herself, out of frustration.

“Who?” Gus said, unable to hide his accidentally piqued interest.

“Your boss. The man who did all this to me. And his followers.” Rem gritted her teeth. Gus didn't answer. He didn't know what had happened, and he didn't want anything to do with it either. Or so he had thought. But this absolutely determined girl, this strong will that she had, to live, to get better, to not give up... it interested him. Just slightly.

“They're... the ones who branded that X on your chest onto you?” Gus said, carefully, standing beside her bed. Now she didn't answer. She stared into the floor. He was just about to walk back to his chair, when she said;

“Yes. Yes, he did that. And so much more. So much more. They... abused me.” Her voice shook as she could not phrase any more than that.

Gus looked at her. This fragile little girl. The X on her chest. The scars on her wrists, her legs. Her long coma. Her screams. What had she been through?

“I... I guess you went through a lot, even though you're only like... 13?”

“I am 15, if you please!” Ren said, offended.

“Pardon me, ma'am. You're so tiny and weak I could have barely guessed you were a teenager.” Gus teased.

“No problem, Turdbag.” Ren scrowled at him.

“Gus. My name is Gus.” He sighed. He didn't like being called offensive nicknames after all.

“I liked Turdbag better.” Ren said and laid down onto the bed. Gus returned to his chair just a bit away.

“I'm Ren, by the way.” she said lowly. Gus just grumbled a sound of recognition.

After some minutes of silence, much to Gus's surprise, Ren resumed talking. Perhaps to herself, perhaps to just get it all out.

“Do you know what else they did to me?” she asked.

“No?” Gus answered neutrally.

“They poisoned my food.” She took a deep, shivering breath. “They put in a drug that made my body weak. The more I ate, the weaker my body became. I became unable to move like before. But they were really smart, you know. Do you know why?” she said, a glimmer of madness in her eyes, a smart smirk on her lips. Gus just looked at her, expecting her to continue.

“I could choose to not eat. They didn't force me. They just gave me the food. I chose to eat it, even while knowing it was drugged, making me weaker. Because if I didn't, I'd die.” she threw her head back and laughed a mad laugh. “It was either to eat and become weaker, or not eat and die! Some choices, huh!? Your boss must have enjoyed watching it. I chose to eat. That's why I could be so obedient when he and them all screwed me over. Again and again. Hahaha!”

Gus didn't say anything. He just stared at her, in disbelief as well as awe. Why was she talking about it like that? Like it was funny? A joke? He had never heard of anything like it.  
“There's another funny thing. The food you're giving me now isn't poisoned. Do you know why? Because they want me to get stronger. That's why you are here, to feed me. Make me strong so they can crush me again.” she crossed one leg over the other, her expression looking a lot more adult than a 15 year old girl's face should.

“Do you know why that window there is open? Do you know why they tell you to leave it like that? Huh? Have you thought about it?” she said, holding out a shaking arm, pointing at the one single window in the room that was always kept open. They were on the first floor, although the floor was slightly elevated. A thin tree could be seen right outside the window, and past that a never ending forest. Her eyes were wild as she stared at Gus, shaking with anger as she pointed outside. Gus had indeed considered why he had gotten the order to keep the window open at all costs, but never questioned it. He figured they'd command him to close it eventually, when the girl got stronger.

“He _wants_ me to run. He _wants_ me to escape. Because he knows he'll find me again. He wants the chase. That's why the window is open. He's letting me go, so he can hunt me down again, like I'm his prey.” her eyes were bloodshot and she looked almost crazy as she was shivering and panting slightly of bottled-up frustration and anger. She wasn't even seeing Gus anymore, she just needed to explode. “They're torturing me at this very moment. Mocking me. Trying to make me escape, so they can catch me and rape me some more. Cause they think I will fail.” she breathed heavily of anger. "He wants to break me all over again. That bastard!!"

“I'll show him. I WILL escape. I will run away from here. But he won't catch me. Oh no, he won't! I will outsmart him. I will never let him get me again.”

Gus could only be silent and look at all that pent up anger came out in floods. She screamed some more, laughed, cried. He only watched. When she had wept herself to sleep, he changed her pajamas and pulled up the blanket on her. Then he sat down on his chair again, sighing heavily, and pondered on what she had said. He knew the company he worked for wasn't the best. He knew what they were capable of. He knew they had connections with – or even were part of – the mafia. But why... why and what had they done to this girl? Was what she said really true?

Gus didn't sleep much that night as he watched Ren thrash about, haunted by her nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are pretty much beta and I will edit them after completing this story. If you find any errors, feel free to comment them, please!
> 
> If anyone wants to find me on Tumblr, you can find me as Hyacinthess or Hya-chan-art.


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